imagineireann: (Daisies)
I'm relatively certain that a lot of people who read this blog also read my step-daughter [personal profile] reganoutloud's blog and will have already heard the news but I feel the need to write a proud mother post. Because Regan, my sweet baby girl, has been accepted into her first choice university. Providing she gets the exam results she's predicted - and she's predicted higher than she needs - she will be leaving us in the Autumn, and moving almost as far away from us as is possible and still actually be on the mainland UK. From London to Aberdeen. Hope she's got her thermals and electric blanket packed!

I am a little sad at that, at the thought of her leaving the nest but at the same time, I am so so SO proud of what she's achieved.

The last couple of years haven't been easy for her. Her mum died, Jade Rachel had a breakdown and Regan ended up living with her father. Not that living with her dad was at all a bad situation just completely different to everything she'd experienced at that point. It took Jade Rachel a couple of years to pull herself back together, get back to London, regain custody of Regan. And then Regan had to cope with moving a couple of times while they found the right house.

And then there was me. It cannot have been easy for her to have me come into her life, to have her other mum falling in love with someone else. Neither Jade Rachel or I will ever replace Regan's mum Shaine, and nor would we want to. We make sure she's still part of Regan's life, as much as we can. Regan also had to cope with not being an only child anymore and having this baby, then toddler, around.

She didn't only cope, she excelled and she blossomed. I have had such a pleasure watching her grow from a smart tween to this intense young woman. Have I mentioned I'm really fucking proud of her?
imagineireann: (Blue Dreams)
One of the questions I seem to get asked more than anything is how I can be both Christian and bisexual. 'Oh, you're Christian? But I thought you were gay?' is the usual reaction.

Yes, I'm Christian.
No, I'm not gay. I'm bisexual and married to an amazing woman.
No, I don't think the two are a contradiction in terms.

My general response is along the lines of God created me the way He saw fit and He loves me. I mostly tend to feel sorry for people who judge me based on who I love and pray for them to be more aware of the love that surrounds all of us.

I have never felt unloved by God. I have never felt alone. He sees my actions, he feels my emotions, my pain - sees me striving for greatness - when no one else can or will ever know. I find truth in the innate desire to never feel alone, to fall in love, to live happy, to become what one dreams to achieve.

If all those subjective reasons to believe in God mean to you that I'm delusional - it's what people put a word and meaning to feelings they can't describe, to hopes they can't share. These are things that are deeply engraved into a person's soul. The truth is - no one has ever seen God, and no one can produce him. It's a risky belief for some because God can't be produced. This is when people build faith and fuel it with going to church, reading the Bible, praying, serving others.

However, when one seeks to know if God exists - something incredible happens. When one receives knowledge that God is real, one can never deny (even under penalty of death) that God is real. I takes a sincere dedication to live that way.
imagineireann: (Dream)
I sometimes get nervous over how the little domestic moments really warm my heart. I probably shouldn't, considering how long Jade Rachel and I have now been together, but I'm always terrified that if I just let go and enjoy life, that if I stop paying attention, it's all going to come crashing down around me. I know I'm not the easy person to be in a relationship with, I try, oh god I try and she has endless patience and I love her for it.

This morning was one of those moments where I forgot to think and just let myself... enjoy the moment, for lack of a better way of putting it.

I was stretched out on the couch, reading and listening to The Beatles. Jade Rachel was cross-stitching and Caden Bryce was playing with his cars. It would seem that little boy loves Hey Jude, because he stopped and he got up and started dancing, which was one of the most adorable things I think I've seen. It was only topped by what happened next - Jade Rachel got up and started dancing with him, both of them sliding across the floor in just their socks, and little boy giggles are always heartwarming and could probably solve war or something.

Naturally, I got a video of the whole thing, and will file it away in the 'things to embarass Caden Bryce with when he brings home a girl/boyfriend in the future'

Or, there was video until he decided I had to come dance too. Only the three of us just got in each others ways and ended up in a very comfy tangle of limbs on the floor.
imagineireann: (British Leaves)
If you had told me two year ago that I would be settled down, in a monogamous long-term relationship, with another woman, who had children I would have laughed your head off and probably cussed you out. That was never something that was on my agenda, being settled down, being monogamous. I've always been a bit of a.. well, I guess the term is slut. Different partners each weekend, guys and girls, pick them up on the Friday, fuck them, forget them, repeat at will. Preferably as often as possible.

But then I met Jade Rachel. Who not only had one child (step) but was also pregnant with another. Yes, to start with it was just sex. But I didn't fuck and forget. And the sex kept happening. And then emotions got involved and I realised I was falling in love.

I did't take to it well. I was scared. I.. was not monogamous. Jade Rachel was patient, calm, understanding. We talked and talked and...

Somehow, here we are. Me, Jade Rachel, Regan and Caden Bryce. A family. MY Family. And I wouldn't change it for the world.

I've spent an amazing Christmas with them, with Jade Rachel's family. I'm going to spend New Years with them, which will be perfect. And I'm looking forward to another year with them.


imagineireann: (Default)

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